i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
