I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
