What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
