I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
