my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
