once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
