Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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