Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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