So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
