i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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