I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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