Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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