no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize