I wish my penis had an off switch
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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