You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
