M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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