when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
