My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
