READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
