sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
