So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
