I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
