I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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