nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
