Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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