oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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