no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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