Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
