I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
