Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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