I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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