She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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