Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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