Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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