I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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