This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
