If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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