Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
