is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
