i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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