i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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