I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
