Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
