The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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