no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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