it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
