if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize