Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
