I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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