He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize