Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
