Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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