Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
