That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
