we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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