it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
