i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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