Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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