i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
