trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
