woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
