do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
