It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
